A whole family coaching programme

The purpose of this project is to help family members to view themselves differently and to make positive changes to their relationships. Life coaching and related techniques are employed to facilitate this change.

The benefits of life coaching in a business context are well known. It enhances communication, understanding and team working. Over the last six years, Develop Your Child has developed programmes to build self-esteem and create personal empowerment in children, young people, parents and professionals working with these groups, with fabulous results.

There is no better place to apply these skills than a family relationship. Teenage pregnancy and divorce rates are testimony to the fragility of many modern relationships.

The Programme

A life coach will work with all members of the family, both individually and collectively, creating an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding for each individual within the family.

Past experiences and 'labels' are disregarded. Instead, the focus is on identifying the potential and innate abilities of each person. From this positive position, each individual will create a strategy, for themselves, based on their own unique attributes.

The requirements - parents (or parent and partner) must be motivated to change the atmosphere within their family home. The programme runs over 10 sessions. The life coach will visit the home for a minimum of 2 hours a week, working individually and collectively with family members.

At the half-way point, the family will be encouraged to create their own sustainability strategy.

Family Coaching Feedback

"I just wanted to say a big thank you for Tuesday night. I had been thinking about the evening on and off today (Wednesday) and felt you had made some progress - in fact a lot of progress with Amy as she can be a closed book and I felt you were the only person of late that has got anywhere with her. Just talking and getting her to see 'what is what' is very positive. Many thanks again, it is from the heart and not just an ego boost for you or me. Thanks again."
Chris

"When my wife mentioned to me about family coaching, I thought this wasn't going to work. I thought someone would just come round and tell us what to do and where we've gone wrong".

"But it's not about that it's about considering changes in the way we were brought up. It makes us think about putting a bit of extra effort into spending more time listening and getting a better response. Taking extra time to communicate and listen to someone else's point of view to make life easier".

"It's not working, applying how we were brought up, so this new approach has created a better atmosphere in our house and in our lives. And a better understanding of how to deal with each other in the future - biggest thing is it's brought everything out into the open and everyone has noticed there's a lot less shouting and arguing now".

"We all feel we can say what is on our minds without fear of being shouted down which makes it so much easier to communicate."
Tony

"Since Alan has been visiting us the whole family has benefited and the home environment has changed significantly."

"The boys are not fighting amongst themselves as much as they were before, which is already a ground breaking achievement as the constant fighting was causing severe friction between the boys, Sean and myself. As a result, Sean comes home from work in a much calmer mood and he has spent more quality time with the boys, together and individually."

"I have been on various medications for several years and now I feel ready to come off some of them, so I can feel better with myself and spend more time with my boys."

"In general, I feel the whole family is benefiting. The boys are talking & listening more and I feel we are all growing in confidence as a family."
Tracy

"I agree with everything Tracy has written. In addition I have begun to notice a new level of maturity in the boys, not always evident but a significant step forward. We still have our ups and downs but we pay more attention to the ups than before and this improves the whole atmosphere. I know that if we can keep moving in this direction our family life will be transformed for the better."
Sean

Some comments received upon completion of the course

Before starting on the course we were a family with many problems and no real idea of how to overcome many of them.

We lacked the ability to communicate constructively.
We tended to concentrate on the negatives all the time.
This led to any positive actions or events being completely missed or ignored.
As Alan spent time with us we learned to look for positives every day.
We learned the value of celebrating our successes.
We began to listen to each other and treat each other with respect and trust.
As we progressed the benefits became more and more noticeable.
Family life was calmer and the home atmosphere much more pleasant.
Every aspect of our lives saw some improvement.
Our relationships grew stronger and we grew closer as a family.
Our goals began to appear achievable.
Our knowledge of each other grew.
We worked together and reaped the rewards.
All of the above is in the past tense because that is what has happened so far.
All of the above is also relevant to the future.
This course started us on the road and it is up to us to continue.
We now have the tools and knowledge to keep the whole process going.
We know that we can improve our own lives.
Sean

The following are the family comments on the 10 session course - 'Develop Your Child'

Whilst the title would suggest an emphasis on the children within a family, we have found that the emphasis was very much on the whole family unit and how we affect each others moods, well being and general life perspective.

'I think, from Alan Wilson, my family is able to talk to each other a lot more. I know my dad has been trying harder with me and I think overall we do get on better'.
Amy, 16 (Daughter)

'I notice that the family are getting on better and that there are no arguments'.
Luke, 13 (Son)

'The 10-session course for me went well. Alan did well making us see and look at problems in the family which we could all change with Success Diaries, listening and the power of our thoughts. Alan spent time with Amy, my daughter who at the time was the focus of the arguments and frustrations within the family. My son Luke was also having a lot of difficulties with Amy and myself arguing all the time. He is now a lot calmer because we are all trying harder'.
Chris (Mum)

'Whilst, as adults, we acknowledge how hard & horrible it is being a teenager as a man my natural instinct is to protect my family, especially my daughter. Faced with Amy's self destruct attitude and very low self-esteem, I found it particularly hard to come to terms with certain issues she was facing - long term relationship with a boy, strong anti- establishment attitude at school and constant anger and lack of respect for both herself and the family unit. Alan introduced us to a series of tasks that made us all think more closely about who were are, as individuals, with daily/weekly success diaries, honouring our values, wheel of life and the importance of talking and listening to each other. Whilst we are not a perfect family, I think we are all more respective of each other's needs and aspirations'.
Gary (Dad)

From the Deputy Head of a school attended by 2 of the families

"As part of a Core Assessment Alan became involved with Matthew and as a result his attendance has improved significantly, he is motivated to learn and he is making good progress academically. His mother who struggled to deal with agencies is now feeling better able to engage and work with those agencies. She has far more self-belief and has admitted that she feels better able to praise and support Matthew. The process has been very supportive and positive for the whole family and a real success story. This outcome would not have happened without Alan's input and support."

"Alan has supported the Axxxxx family and this has had a huge impact on them. The children are more settled, appear more cared for are no longer at risk of being referred to Social Services. Mum who was unable to manage the needs of the family has transformed into a motivated parent, helping in schools, talking to other parents, she smiles and is positive. Undoubtedly, had Alan not worked with this family and supported the family there would have been a very different outcome."
Mrs CJ (Deputy Head)

In conclusion

The benefit for those who completed the 10 session course was that they created their own family sustainability strategy. In addition, one mother who was on a cocktail of anti-depressants and used to go to bed when the kids came home from school because she couldn't cope, is now volunteering at a school and looking for a part-time job. Another Mum, so pleased with what has been achieved within her family, is training to be on the Develop Your Child Team.